Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
