so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
