I wish I could teleport
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
