He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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