eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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