Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
