Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
