God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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