is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize