Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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