I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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