We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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