Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
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yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax