taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
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Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.