I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving