Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
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And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
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At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument