You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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