when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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