I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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