I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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