I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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