I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
