I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
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I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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