I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
