I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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