I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
