His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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