I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
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Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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