OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
