Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
