She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
