Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
