He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
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i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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