If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
