the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize