oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle