I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...