Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room