how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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