And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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