The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
