yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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