is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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