are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
