I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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