Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
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I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
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I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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