Umm I'm too high to move.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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