Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
