So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
