My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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