Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
