I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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