Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
