I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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