her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
